Psychologist Juli Fraga challenges the common parental message that children can achieve anything if they put their minds to it, calling it a misleading and potentially harmful notion. While parents often intend to inspire confidence, this phrase can set unrealistic expectations and foster motivation driven by external rewards like praise or trophies, rather than intrinsic satisfaction. After two decades of experience working with families, Fraga advises that a more grounded approach benefits children’s emotional development and long-term resilience.

Instead of promoting limitless achievement, Fraga suggests five alternative messages that parents can use to support their children's growth more effectively. She recommends encouraging kids to face new experiences and acknowledge their fears, which helps normalize anxiety and strengthens their emotional connection with parents. Additionally, she emphasizes teaching children about the value of gradual progress by fostering a growth mindset, cultivating patience as hard work and dedication often take time to bear fruit, especially in the age of instant social media successes.

Fraga also advises parents to frame disappointment as a natural and valuable learning opportunity rather than a failure. Sharing personal stories of setbacks and persistence can help children feel less isolated and better equipped to handle challenges. She encourages reinforcing a tenacious attitude, highlighting that perseverance builds self-discipline, optimism, and intrinsic motivation, which collectively nurture mental well-being even when external rewards are not guaranteed.

Lastly, the psychologist stresses the importance of teaching kids that it is normal not to excel at everything, helping them set achievable goals and avoiding unrealistic self-expectations. This honest perspective has been praised by many families as one of the greatest lessons parents can impart. Fraga’s approach promotes healthier emotional adjustment, enabling children to pursue their ambitions with confidence while maintaining self-compassion and realistic understanding.