Children often express their emotions through behavior, ranging from toddlers’ tantrums to teenagers’ defiant gestures. Psychologist Juli Fraga, co-author of “Parents Have Feelings, Too,” explains that misbehavior is a form of communication revealing underlying feelings and fears rather than mere disobedience. Parents who pay attention to these emotional clues and respond thoughtfully can foster their children’s emotional intelligence, helping them better manage challenges and embrace independence over time.

Fraga emphasizes the importance of parents first calming themselves before addressing a child’s outburst. Remaining composed sets a model for emotional regulation that children can learn from. Instead of reacting with frustration or trying to control the situation like a CEO, she suggests parents become detectives who are curious about the reasons behind their child’s actions, whether it is fear of punishment driving dishonesty or a desire for autonomy leading to pushback against rules.

Another key strategy involves helping children label their emotions, a process psychologists call “emotion naming.” This can defuse intense feelings and reduce defensive behaviors such as lying or anger. By asking simple questions like “Are you angry?” or “Are you worried?” parents assist their children in processing difficult emotions rather than avoiding them. Parents are also encouraged to reflect on their own emotional responses and behaviors, as children often mirror their caregivers’ ways of coping.

Lastly, recognizing the impact of stress on a child’s behavior is crucial. Factors like hunger, fatigue, loneliness, or anger—remembered through the acronym H.A.L.T.—can destabilize a child’s emotional regulation and lead to acting out. Meeting these basic needs with a snack, rest, or emotional support can prevent or alleviate meltdowns. Fraga’s insights offer practical, empathetic approaches for parents seeking to navigate the demanding moments of childhood with patience and understanding.